Gaming with your parents
Doyce Testerman, who I know from the internetz and gamed with a few times when I lived in Colorado, posted awhile back a sweet story of finally getting his mom and family to play a roleplaying game with him:
Still, it’s always been a bit of a sticking point with me; a sour note, if you will. It’s one thing (and a good thing) for your parents and extended family to “leave you be” to pursue your own interests, but it’s another thing entirely for them to join you from time to time in this thing that you really enjoy. I certainly knew what that kind of thing felt like, thanks to my time in band, and sports, and theatre productions, but I’d never got my family to sit down with me and help me slay a dragon.
He levered the enthusiasm of his 12-year-old nephew into a game of “Do: Pilgrims of the Flying Temple” by Daniel Solis, and it went well:
My mom and I had another conversation about the game (and Gaming) the next day, during which she was full of questions about how I and my friends scheduled regular game sessions, how we decided what to play, how we knew when we were “done” for the night, and things like that — it was the most interest she’s shown in my hobby… probably ever, and – for me – that made the late evening totally worth it.
Got me to thinking about family and gaming. I haven’t tried to game with my family. I keep them in the loop: I chat with them sometimes about the general ideas of campaigns that I’m in (it’s the modern world, but there are wizards who don’t generally advertise, and we’re almost all playing teenaged girls), or high-level reports of things that delighted me in various sessions (we had hours-long discussions of honor!), or the social things going on amongst the group (sometimes we have to stop so that the GM can bounce and sing to the baby). I arranged for the family to vacation at the resort/hotel in Portland where I’ve been going to an Amber convention for the past 11 years, in part so that they would have some more context for things important to me.
I wouldn’t even have to be the missionary of gaming: back in the late 70s my dad picked up the Basic D&D box set, and “Empire of the Petal Throne”, and “Traveller”… Those were all lurking in the family basement for me to find as a young teenager. Traveller and Empire were daunting; but it was dead simple to roll up an elf in D&D, and think about how he would adventure. Nice low-stress way of being introduced to the hobby.
So far as I know, though, the only exposure my family has gotten to actual gaming in the past few decades was the one session I tried to run for friends in that same basement. Ah, embarassingly awkward early attempts at GMing… Good times (not so much). It wasn’t a good space for gaming, socially or physically. Socially, I was in high school, and my parents and sister had barely met my gamer friends, who were all themselves keeping an eye on not freaking my family out, while I was panicked at the prospect of not running a good game. Physically, the room was just off a staircase that was the main path between parental offices and the rest of the house… With cut-out windows on the stairs so that people moving from one place to another could peer in on the unfortunate gamers in their transplanted habitat. After a couple-three unenthusiastic hours, we thankfully bagged on it and decamped to Denny’s. I’m not sure if the whole schlmiel left a bad impression on my family, or hopefully, no impression at all.
I could see someday running a game for at least my sister and dad; but it might make sense to wait for someone truly brimming with interest to come along. Doyce’s nephew and Doyce himself sound like the two sticks necessary to rub together to get a fire. For my part, I might be just as happy to do the usual chatting or poker.
What about you guys? Have you played any RPGs with your parents or siblings? Do they “get it”, whether you have or haven’t?
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My Uncle George was my first GM and my Dad was my second. Uncle George pulled us over at a family gathering at his house to show off this game he bought called Dungeons and Dragons. I was hooked from the start.
Uncle George and my Dad were both fans of Tolkien style fantasy and they passed that love onto me. So the appeal of a game played in those worlds was an easy sell. They really didn’t get hooked like I did though. They dabbled with it after family dinners and thought it was neat enough but they soon moved on to other pass times.
I remember how I pestered my Dad to put together a new dungeon for me and after I wore him down he would retreat to his room with a sheet of graph paper. I would quiver impatiently outside his room until he finally came out with new puzzles to solve and monsters to slay. After many years of GMing myself, I now look back with great respect at how patient and indulgent my Dad was to try and be my DM on demand.
My Mom never played but she supported my hobby. She always made my gaming friends welcome to the point that many think of her as a second Mom. She would also listen patiently as I regaled her with the tales of what happened at the gaming table. It wasn’t her thing but she saw it brought mt happiness and great crew of friends.
I think they are both a little surprised that gaming I didn’t leave gaming behind in high school of college. I know they did not expect that I would be waiting patiently for my children to be old enough to roll dice and tell stories. I’ve got Happy Birthday Robot ready and waiting.
I played some D&D with my dad back when I was 12 or 13. He was totally doing it to see what I did and why we liked it. But he was playing with a 12 year old, so it didn’t really interest him other than as a way to spend time with me. And as we had other ways of doing that it didn’t last.
About 5 years ago I played HeroQuest with Mo and her mother. That was an interesting game, and very eye opening about both Mo and her mother’s relationship and how they deal with conflict and a lot of assumptions about roleplaying games in general. Three of my favorite moments were:
1) My mother in law saying “So why do you get to be in charge? Who elects the GM? Shouldn’t we all be able to tell the story?” as three of her first five questions.
2) The way she then created her character in like 5 minutes. She’d never played anything before, though she has done some writing and dramatic work in the past, and when we got to characters (its a Dark Ages Ireland game) she instantly lays out this character stuck between Christianity and Paganism, an older woman with no children but an adopted boy who she considers her own, a difficult relationship with the old chieftain who is about to die (she made all this up as she’s talking), and a sense that she’s not accomplished much in her life.
3) Later in the game this late middle aged woman, when confronted with the biggest baddest warrior in the village demanding that she hand over a hostage to him, smacks him in the nose with a broom and she says “I don’t have to listen to him, he’s a child. I tell him to go away before I send him home to his mother.” And she rolls and he goes, sulking all the way.
Funny thing – I just played an RPG with my whole family for the first time this summer. I had written a LARP with a pirate theme inspired by The Princess Bride, and we played it at my summer house: my parents, two sisters, one brother-in-law, and five kids (ages 8-12).
Everyone had fun, and got into playing their characters. Two people had some concern that they weren’t “good” at it – meaning they could have pushed for their goals better, and not let the villain get away. Still, it was easy enough for everyone to get into.
What was funny was seeing my father get into playing the pompous mayor of the town, when he has been quite negative about my role-playing hobby for pretty much my entire life. I don’t think it convinced him of anything – he still sees it as a waste of time that I should be spending on more serious pursuits, but maybe he understands a little better the fun of it.
Rich: Aww. That is sweet about your dad making you dungeons.
I think it’s easier to game with your kids… After all, they’ve seen gaming as a normal part of life all their lives, right? Gaming is the cool thing adults do, like pretend, but with adults? But on the other hand, I know gamers with kids, and it turns out kids are their own people, and some of them are like “meh” when it comes to gaming. Strange!
Brand: That is great. Why do you get to be the GM? I’m picturing a Monty Python sketch…
John: Dang, trial by fire. That’s a ton of people to introduce at once, with a ton of attitudes. How did you arrange it so it was successful?